Sensei and Sensibility
Friday, December 20, 2002
My New Best Friend
My 5 year-old nephew called me up the other day. Actually, he called up my mom to ask if I could come over to play and to eat dinner. There we were, sitting at his child-sized table, slurping our spaghetti and drinking grape juice out of plastic goblets, when he confessed something to me. He turned to me and told me that I am his best friend and he said that he would miss me when I went back to live on the plane ( he can't quite grasp the concept of other countries yet - he thinks that the world consists of Newmarket, the town where he lives, and Germany - so I live on a plane to him).
My heart broke.
He then asked me if my mommy got mad at me when I didn't put my toys away too. Hmmm. Yes, I guess she does! ("Sabine, your CD's are STILL lying on the dining room table...!")
So, there we sat, sipping our grape juice until the late hour of 8:30pm, discussing the trials and tribulations of our lives. He then looked at me and said, "It's tough being a kid, isn't it?" Bless his little precocious soul - he thinks that I am a kid too!!!!!! Sigh, I think that I may miss him more than he'll miss me!
Crazy Tante Beenie - that's what my neice and nephews call me ('tante' means 'aunt' in German, and 'Beenie' is my nickname - it's too hard for the kids to say 'Sabine') - has been busy with the kids lately. I got to babysit my 13 month-old nephew a couple of times, I got to watch my 5 year nephew learn to skate (well, he walked on ice wearing skates), I went to school with my niece, and I will go watch my 10 year-old nephew's hockey game on Sunday.
And, now, they've given me a wonderful Christmas present - an enormous head cold. It could be worse - the Norwalk virus is flying around town now. In any case, I am in rough shape, walking around with a box of tissue all day. But, you know what? They'll miss me when I'm gone!!! I am always shocked that they even remember me! To me, that is worth one hundred colds. So, it truly is the best Christmas present ever - if only because it came from my niece and nephews!
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
:)
 Sabine . 9:55 AM . Comments
Monday, December 16, 2002
The Reason Why I could never live in Toronto Again
- 21 degrees Celsius. Enough said.... Luckily, here, they have central heat!
I am having a great time though! The Germans came and went, and I seriously have not expended so much energy in one week in a long time (nor have I ever drank so much alcohol! I am definitely taking a hiatus from that for a bit!). The great thing about their visit (other than the fact that I haven't seen them since I was 15) was that they were doing all these touristy things, like going to Niagara Falls and up to the Great Lakes - things that I don't usually get to do when I go home for a visit. My German has improved in any case (and now I've forgotten all my Japanese - sigh...)
Now, I am in my friend Christine's living room - gotta take your internet time where you can ;) Everybody, this is my frind, Christine. Christine, this is everyone - say "Hi" :
"Hi - My well traveled friend B will someday live in Toronto again. There's too many people in this general area that love her too much to let her go too far away for too long. By the way it's a pleasure to meet you all." - Chrissy
Heh, heh - yah, sure, Chrissy - then turn off the freezing weather!!! - Sabine
Well, I hope that all of you are having a wonderful December - whether that means that you are celebrating Christmas, Hannukah, getting ready for New Year's, or whatever you may be doing during this festive season!!!!!
As for myself, I will be dressing warmly and drinking hot (soy) chocolate while talking with my friends and family!!!!
:)
Sabine . 7:18 AM . Comments
Tuesday, December 10, 2002
The German Invasion
I arrived in Canada on a chilly Saturday (only -17 Celsius!) and found that there was no time for respite from jetlag. The Germans were about to invade my poor mother's house and she had no idea that they were even coming.
She truly was shocked (both the Germans and I were a surprise for her 60th birthday) and when she saw us, she promptly collapsed to the ground and started shaking and choking back tears.
It has been non-stop ever since.
My inner quietude has been shattered by the sheer volume of the voices of my beloved German relatives - quite a shock after living in peaceful Ikuno, I tell you!!! And the drinking! I think my blood has been replaced by brandy.... I have been drinking a new invention - the "Heidi Kafe" - brandy and coke....
I am understanding their German without any effort. Speaking back to them, on the other hand, is a bit more challenging. If I am not actually speaking Japanese to them, then I am saying German words but using Japanese syntax....
And the food!!!!!! Oh my goodness! Dicke sind gemuetlisch!!! Fat people are happy/Genki! If this is the case, I am getting so happy that I will burst!
It is wonderful to be surrounded by the kids again! I watched my 4 year old nephew's hockey game - he told me that I am his new best friend and invited me over for dinner. His parents weren't allowed to sit at our table (which was about a foot high - replete with miniature chairs) - it was just Matthew (my nephew) and I wearing bibs, big bowls of psghetti/spaghetti, and glasses of grape-juice!
I may be 28, but at least my best friend is 4!!!!
Tomorrow I'm off to Niagara falls to enjoy the kitsch of the falls at Christmas time. With the crazy Germans along, it's bound to be fun!!!
OK - gotta run - will report the next time I get access to a computer (mom doesn't have one, so I have to run off to the internet Cafe when I can!!!)
Happy Ho Ho's to you all!!!
:)
Sabine
Sabine . 6:14 PM . Comments
Friday, December 06, 2002
Friends
My time in Japan has made me come to hate that word.
Today alone, three people have asked me to be their "friends". This question is soon followed by another comment: "Then you can teach me English". It`s as if that is all that I have to offer the world - English. My personality, humour, knowledge - none of that matters to anyone. The problem is, it matters to me.
My usual response: "Get in line"
After 16 months here, I look around me and I can count the number of my true Japanese friends (the ones who see me as a human being) on one finger. Maybe two. The number of conversation partners I have though, well, I don`t have enough fingers or toes to count those.
When I first got here, I thought that I wouldn`t mind this as much. I also thought that I could get beyond this level with people and that with time, they`d get to know me and want more meaningful relationships. I thought that I could survive not being looked at as a real person, with real feelings. Now, I don`t know if I am that strong.
This will be hard to understand if you haven`t experienced it. It is a form of racism, although it is usually presented in a positive light because we are treated more as celebrities than as lepers.
Actually, I`ll use that analogy - the celebrity. Imagine that, overnight, you have simultaneously become a celebrity and been isolated from all of your previous family and friends. No one understands what you say, and perhaps they don`t care to. The only thing anyone knows about you is that you are a celebrity. You begin to hear your name in whispered conversations everywhere. When you do your daily business, people hide behind things and stare at you. Children perform "rock, paper, scissors" just to sit beside you when you eat your lunch. They are not shy. They ask you for autographs and want to touch you everywhere. Then they run to their friends and yell "I got to touch the celebrity!"
Adults are all scared of you, as if you have some superpower or something. You withdraw into the world of those who can understand you: the other celebrities (even if they are more than 30 minutes away). You withdraw into the 4 rooms of your house and start to have deep, meaningful conversations with yourself. You start to think that maybe you are the only one who cares about you. You start to worry that maybe you are not worth being cared about.
Soon, the fears of other people subside: they`ve watched you for 6 months and have decided that you are not as scary. So, they finally approach you. A small intimate dinner here (where everyone "drops" by and many pictures are taken), a dinner at a restaurant in town (the pictures of which get published in the newspaper). You go out to town functions and the photographer follows you around. You come to understand the whispers and gossip. So and so is now somehow more important in the community, because that person was seen hanging out with you. You begin to wonder everytime someone invites you to something only to parade you around like a prize.
The think is, no one cares what you think and how you feel. They only care that you are a celebrity. You sigh and smilefor the many pictures that are taken, and people tell you how wonderful it is that you are always happy. They do not see that the soul underneath is anything but happy.
You yearn for affection and understanding. You realize that if who we are is reflected by the people around us, then you are nothing but a cardboard cut out. Yoiu long to be held, to have someone wrap their arms around you so that you can feel your own three-dimensionality.
Everything becomes shades of cynicism and mistrust.
Friend? Yah, I`ll be your friend. Get in line.
I want my old soul back. Where is that carefree, trusting, happy person? I`m starting to not recognize myself.
I can`t wait to go home and be surrounded by the people who know and love me: my family.
Sabine . 12:01 AM . Comments
Tuesday, December 03, 2002
The Smile: a different kind of problem.
OK, I lied, one last post before signing off for the holidays!
Today Mrs Yamashita and I were surprised to see one of our "School Refusers" show up for our English Class. She has not attended school since Elementary School - so for two years, she has stayed at home. This girl has such huge walls up around her heart that I doubt that she lets even her parents in. I look at her and I know at once that she feels alone and depressed. I caught her eyes and I saw in there so much pain - I know the look from before, when I would go into schools to discuss and counsel students about suicide. She has been there in her mind. She has contemplated killing herself. If I could speak the language better, I could help more easily. But I can`t. However, she has reached out to us by wanting to come to our class. So now we were faced with a problem bigger than any number of balls and scales and such. It is the problem of a person who wants to get rid of the pain they feel so badly that she thinks that killing herself is the only option. To find the solution, we have to help her find hope.
We tried to come up with a lesson plan that might help her feel a bit more safe around her classmates. She doesn`t want for people to see the darkness that is inside her and that consumes her - she`s embarrassed. We had to give her a little light.
We decided to make paper chains with which to decorate the classroom for Christmas. I remembered an activity that we used to do in my sorority whenever someone was down or whenever times were stressful. We would write our names on a piece of paper and pass it around so that everyone could write anonymously something nice about us on it. I remember how it made me feel to hear such kind words. I saw an adaptation of this idea in a book on teaching ESL so I thought I`d use it in class.
Each student wrote his name on one side of a little strip of paper. We put those papers in a bag and everyone drew a name out of it. They had to write 2 sentences on the other side of the paper - kind words for the person whose name was on the other side. After everyone finished, all the strips went back into the bag and I pulled them out and read them aloud to the class.
I could tell that this sad girl wanted nothing more than to disappear. She had missed so much school that she was certain that no one even knew who she was. She was sure I`d pull up her piece of paper and that it would be blank.
Finally, her name did come up and I read it out. She glanced up at me, and for a moment, I saw hope in her eyes. I turned the paper over and read what was on it: " You are kind. You are cute. You have a nice smile." She looked at Mrs Yamashita who then translated it for her. Slowly and ever so slightly a smile formed on her face. She shook her bangs from her eyes and looked at me. It was very small, but I saw a little twinkle in there. I mustered up the kindest smile I could, and raised my eyebrows ever so slightly and nodded my head to communicate to her that her presence in class was both noticed and appreciated.
It lasted only a second. Her head went down and her bangs once again covered her face. After class, she immediately returned to the nurse`s room. I haven`t seen her since.
I hope that she`ll come back. This may or may not happen, but at least I can be certain of one thing: she knows that at least one person in the class saw her and saw in her a life worth living. And sometimes, that means more coming from one`s peers than it does coming from an adult.
Even if she doesn`t ever come back to class, the little spark of life came back to her eyes, if only for just a moment.
What greater Christmas present is there?
:)
Sabine
Sabine . 9:56 PM . Comments
Ick Ick ICK - and Other Stuff
OK, so I brought in my pictures from our Canada trip for everyone to look at today. There was a picture at the Hallowe`en dance and one of the teachers saw it, pointed to one of our students and said the equivalent of "wow, she`s hot!" and he started running around showing all the guy teachers. I picked my jaw up off the floor and said to him "She`s fourteen. FOURTEEN! NOT twenty-four - fourteen!!!" Then he looked at me and asked for a copy of the photo. This poor girl. She has been referred to as being "the pretty student" numerous times before, and I cringed then, but today a shiver ran up and down my spine...
Now, don`t get me wrong, I can laugh and joke with the guys about sex and just about anything, but I draw the line at pedophaelia. I can understand older men liking young women (like, seventeen year old women). I can understand fetishes and fantasies about being a girl`s "first". But I can not condone this.
And I cannot say that this is only a problem in Japan. There was a teacher at my High School in Canada who found joy in preying on young girls, and guess what - he`s still teaching (although he did take a 5 year hiatus to rehabilitate). I just don`t understand it. I just cannot imagine looking at a 14 year old boy and thinking lascivious thoughts (though according to recent news, it has happened between such young men and female teachers before). I have to wonder: are these people still stuck in their own fourteen year-old self, unable to get over their own JHS experience? Or...?
Last year, a month after I came here, a teacher from this northern part of Hyogo was arrested. Apparently, he had been having an affair with a Junior High student in Osaka. He was driving her somewhere, and she jumped out of the car onto the freeway. Somehow, she ended up being chained to the guard rail of the freeway and was killed by an oncoming truck. The details are foggy.
One of my friends in the city is continually bombarded with flyers advertising for dating clubs or callgirls or something - and in at least half of them, the girls are dressed in Junior High School uniforms.
Then there is the whole thing of grown women here being obsessed with Hello Kitty and the like. It is as though a woman can only be seen as a sexual being if she acts/dresses as a child would. Or perhaps that is a cultural bias, and it is only through my Canadian eyes that this behaviour seems child-like. However, I don`t see too many women over 40 here carrying around cute little Hello Kitty bags and accessories. So, I have to assume that there is a certain unwillingness to let go of youth here that manifests itself in the form of dressing themslves in cartoons (for women) and pursuing the young (for men). Beyond a certain point, most people give in to their age and stop fighting it.
This is a universal issue, I think. In Canada, we just find other ways to try to stay young in the eyes of others. We lament, rather than celebrate, our birthdays beyond the age of 30 (or 25 in my case).
Is it our fear of the knowledge that our time here is limited? We all know that we must die someday, so we spend a great deal of energy trying to delay the aging process. I am no more innocent of this than anyone else. Maybe marriage, or the place that you are in your life`s journey helps to curb this somewhat. I know that, as a woman, it is difficult to be nearing 30 - especially if you are single. Here I am, 28 years old, unmarried and unmarred by the prospects that my procreating time on this planet is drawing to a nigh. Oddly, I am not bothered by it. Yah, women can have children up until they hit menopause (even if it is way more risky - it seems that eggs are always better when they`re fresh...) but that is not why I am OK with it. I don`t really know why I am, to be honest. I love kids to pieces, but I have not felt a single tick from that biological clock. I have, however, felt the pang of the realization that I could well be spending my old age all alone with nothing but a goldfish for company.
After playing with balls for a day, I`ve come to realize that there are problems with a solution, and then there are problems which don`t have solutions, only possibilities. It`s funny that most of these problems are human ones. I used to want to change the world. Now, I am content just to think about it. And do small things. As the saying goes, "Rome wasn`t built in a day". My small change in the world today was in speaking up for this 14 year old student of mine. I say let her be - let her live in childhood a little longer. Don`t objectify her as a sex object or baby making machine or whatever yet - there is time enough for that later. Life is long, childhood is short. Let her be free to enjoy it.
Part 2 - The Strike
Well, the teachers almost had a strike today. Yesterday, I was informed that I was not to be surprised if no one came to school today except for the Principal, Vice Principal, and myself. There was to be a strike for today. In the afternoon, a meeting was called. The teachers all seemed nervous. The Principal spoke and basically told the teachers that they were forbidden to strike by the town. Each teacher got a slip of paper ordering them to come to work the next day. They were really relieved. No one wanted to miss a day of work for a strike. They became happy, seeing that they had a way out of the picket lines.
Their union said, "You must strike" and they replied, "I`m sorry, I cannot strike. I have a permission form from my boss to go to work today"
I ask you: could you see this happening in your home country???
:)
Sabine
PS - I am leaving to go home to Toronto on Saturday (SHHHHH!!!! It`s a surprise for my mom`s birthday - don`t tell her!) so I won`t be able to post for a bit. I will not have internet access at my mom`s (will write some stuff from one of my siblings` places) and besides, my German relatives are coming for the surprise also, so I`ll probably be too drunk to write much in any case....
I`ll miss you all. Have a great Christmas and New Years, and I will catch up with you when I get back!!! Happy Ho Ho`s!!!
Sabine . 9:21 PM . Comments
Sunday, December 01, 2002
I Can`t Stop Thinking About Balls!
OK, this is what has been on my mind all day (thanks to my dear friend Mr Yoshida! GRRR!!! As if I didn`t already have enough distracting me from my work!!!!! ;). Please help me solve it!
You have 12 balls, all the same size and shape, and a scale. One of the balls is a different weight from the others - either lighter or heaview - you do not know. Using the scale, and only the scale, you must determine which of the balls has a different weight, and whether or not it is lighter or heavier. The catch? You can only use the scale 3 times!
I`ve managed to only solve the problem if I could use the scale 4 times. Remember, you don`t know whether the ball is lighter or heavier, so you have to test for both possibilities. For example, If you have the same number of balls on either side of the scale, and one side sinks, you cannot assume that that side contains a heavier ball - it could mean that the other side contains a lighter ball!!!
I have had many people tell me creative solutions - one person suggested not even using the scale, but instead just dropping the balls - the difference in the speed of the fall (as determined by the amount of time it takes for them to hit the floor) would indicate if there was a lighter or heavier ball in the group.
Another creative solution was to once again forego the scale and throw the balls at the head of whoever it is who wrote the original problem - if there is one in there that is heavier, it should hurt more upon impact than the others. If it is lighter, it should hurt less. Hmmm - this was the most creative one yet!
In any case, I haven`t yet solved it myself - so, if anyone does, please post your solution under "comments"!!!!
Ganbatte ne!
:)
Sabine . 9:08 PM . Comments
The Japanese Language Proficiency Test
Owatta! (It`s done!)
It was a great testament to the propensity here to drag out torture as long as possible. Those of you who have read my journal on getting my Japanese Driver`s licence will be nodding your heads in agreement when you read this. For the rest of you, you may be shocked to hear that they`ve dragged out what is essentially a 2 hour exam into a whole day ordeal (OK - maybe not the entire day - but certainly from 9am until 3pm almost constitutes an entire day!)
So there we were - the three Asago county representatives at the proficiency test (Maeva was doing the 3rd level - more difficult, Suzette and I were doing the 4th level - the easiest), sitting in Osaka for 6 hours sweating blood over particles and kanji.
Actually, it wasn`t all that bad. My Japanese is not good enough for the 3rd level, but the 4th level didn`t make me struggle that much (except on the questions which were meant to trick us and on the questions where I didn`t know the key vocabulary word). I managed to pretty much not study - I spent all of 2 hours reviewing for the test (watch me fail!!!). I was taking a nice trip to Osaka. We went down on Saturday night, and instead of studying, we went for a nice French/Fusion dinner. After that, it was off to bed for us.
The next morning, all three of us ladies (staying in the same hotel room!) managed to get ready in only an hour - we actually were able to leave early.
We followed the throngs of foreigners and made our way to Osaka University to write the test. We arrived, and after what seemed like tortuous preparation, we were able to begin the first section - the Kanji and vocabulary section. The only problem was that in a few questions, they stuck in Kanji that was not on the list - GRRRR!
Next, we had a 45 minute break. Then another painstaking set up for the listening test. This was pretty easy.
Then lunch for 1.5 hours and another painstaking setup for the Grammar and Reading comprehension test. I was pretty fortunate for this - I managed to finish this section 20 minutes early.
So, from 9 - 3 I actually only did about 75 minutes of test writing. However, I did meet some interesting people - there must have been thousands of foreigners in attendance!!!
Now, I have to wait until February to get my marks!!!
:)
Sabine . 6:47 PM . Comments
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