Sensei and Sensibility
Monday, April 26, 2004
Latest happenings and news - it`s long!!!
Long time no speak!!! Yah, it`s been crazy busy here. Sadly, the work part has not been so busy, but my private life has taken over. Have been keeping events secret from you, my loyal friends, and I feel badly about that. However, it has been necessary. You, no doubt, have heard me drop the name Yoshi into my posts every once in a while. Let me explain who Yoshi is:
Early spring, 2003: Man sees me in supermarket and thinks "Hm. She`s cute. We have foreigners in this town??!"
May 2003: First night of my new adult class. Four new students show up. Iwamiya san, a super intelligent octigenarian who was my pottery instructor. He ends up acing all English tests I gave him, is fluent in reading and writing English, but has never spoken English to me before. He made me suffer through pottery class in Japanese, even when I`d only been in Japan for 2 months!!! Yasumoto san, a lovable man with a passion for pachinko, Ota san, my former principal (since retired) and a former English teacher, and Sasakura san, a youg guy. I first geve the class an aptitude test, to see what everyone`s level was so that I could plan classes. The two best scores in the class are from Iwamiya san and Sasakura san - both new students. Then I did my presentation on Nepal. After class, Sasakura san approaches me and asks to see the rest of my photos. He is interested in Nepal because he spent a great number of months backpacking through India, Pakistan and Iran, but didn`t get to Nepal and wants to go. I am shocked. A Japanese backpacker in Ikuno??? Plus, he`s cute. But, he`s not so young, so I figure he must be married.
Later that night: I call my friend Maeva and spend too much time talking about the young Sasakura san - I tell her that he`s young and cute and well travelled and speaks great English. Our curiosity is picqued - what is this guy doing in Ikuno, land of the geriatrics and traditional folk?? We decide that he must be either crazy or married to a local and drop the subject.
June: bump into Sasakura san at the bank machine. I am cordial, but not so friendly, as I am trying to transfer money from one account into another to another one in Tokyo so that it can be transferred to Canada. Doing it all in Japanese, so am concentrating. Later, I bang my head against the wall for not asking for help and for not being so friendly to this guy.
Late June: decide I need to know more about this mystery man. Invent game for Adult class, similar to "two truths and a lie". Students had to write 5 statements about themselves and we had to guess if they were true or false, then we could ask the class questions about what they wrote. Managed to glean that he is 30, single, likes hiking and has travelled to 17 countries. He went to a good university, but gave up the life of a Japanese salaryman to go work in the forest and be close to nature. My interest is now piqued: similar interests, good English, good looking, and most importantly, he seemed curious about me: asked me if I was single and about my age and hobbies and such.
Beginning of July: show the class part of Baraka, my favourite movie. Two students want to borrow the film to watch the rest, Noriko and Sasakura san. Give the tape first to Noriko, so that I will have to contact Sasakura san outside of class to get him the tape ;)
End of July: Annual summer BBQ before summer hiatus. Noriko gives me back the tape, which I pass to Sasakura san. We exchange e-mail addresses and phone numbers so that I can get the tape back when I return from Canada. He proceeds to tell me all about how Japanese like their hamburgers and how they like their fireworks and such. My interest goes down quite a bit. I have no interest in Nihonjinron.
August: I am in Canada and recive e-mail from Sasakura san. He liked Baraka! There is hope! We continue to e-mail, even while he his hiking in the mountains of the Southern Alps. It is all very cordial, however, as he is still my student so I cannot initiate anything that would seem less than professional.
Middle of August: meet new ALT in Ikuno, Andrew. He`s a young guy who wants to meet other fun, young people with similar interests. He wants to plan a BBQ and have me invite some people that I know. I invite Sasakura san, under the guise that two young guys would get along, and because they are neighbours. I, however, have plans to try to bring our relationship out of the classroom somewhat. Little did I know, so did he. On the way to the BBQ, I was hit by a truck and broke my thumb while riding my bike. I was still a few kilometres away from the BBQ, and now I was late and Sasakura san was waiting. I decided that, since the emergency room was already closed, and since I had an agenda for the evening, I would still go to the BBQ, and ice my thumb with some cold beer. I arrived, well over an hour late, explained it all to Andrew, and searched for Sasakura san. There was no sign of him. We set up for the BBQ when I got an e-mail - Sasakura san had been waiting all this time close by. I ran to go get him. We stopped to get more beer, and Sasakura san became Yoshi (short for his first name, Yoshihide). The BBQ was fun, despite my throbbing thumb, and Yoshi and I discovered that we had a bit more in common than just the hobbies. He walked me back to the main road, pushing my bike, and we finished the night with a hug.
The following week: I now had a cast on, and was preparing for the sports festival at school. I had planned a dinner for the Friday night, and invited Yoshi, Andrew, and Arimoto san (a teacher at Andrew`s school). Sadly ;) the only one who could come was Yoshi. He ended up bringing all the food and cooking it all, as my hand was in a cast. We talked and talked and talked and talked until about 4am. We napped and he left for work at 6am the next day. The next evening, he showed up with food for me, so that I wouldn`t have to cook (hand still in cast). Pretty much from that point on, he didn`t really leave my place. It became evident from the start that we didn`t just have the same interests, but we had the same way of thinking and perceiving the world. In short, I had found the yang to my yin, or yin to my yang or whatever. He met my friends, and we were lumped as one being from the start.
End of September: His friends came to visit from Osaka, and we got to see how well matched we were. We went to a festival in Ikuno together, and the gossip started. However, we had to be discreet, as he was my student still. He`d have to sneak over after classes and such.
Beginning of October: My birthday party with my adult class. There were many questions after we had been seen at the festival, but we managed to convince the class that we were not together. Not so hard, really, as it was virtually impossible for them to accept a relationship between a Japanese man and a Western woman. They knew that Andrew, the Germans, Yoshi and I went out for Karaoke afterwards, but were far more inclined to think that Andrew and I (two westerners) were together (even though they knew that he had a serious girlfriend).
End of October: went to Osaka and Kyoto to celebrate my birthday. Met friends of his from University, one of whom had lived in Vancouver. We were inseperable, and extremely close. So much so, that the talk turned to Yoshi coming back to Vancouver with me. It was enticing to us from the start, but still too early.
November: I went to Australia. The ten day separation was painful. We had become a family without even trying. We were connected. It wasn`t scary or anything - only comfortable. We had slipped into something deeper sometime in September or October without even knowing it.
December: we went back to Osaka to celebrate Christmas and a huge separation that was about to happen for us. I was to go back to Canada for three weeks, and Yoshi was going to go to Nepal for three weeks - we wouldn`t see each other for 6 weeks. Our hearts were breaking. However, we managed to relax and have a good time, going to little Korea for yakiniku, then to Pachinko for my first time, to do print club pictures and karaoke and such. The next morning, we went to Osaka aquarium and then shopping and then home. A cloud was hanging over our heads though. During our absence, we knew that one of two things would happen. Either the distance would tell us that this was it for us, or it would tell us that it wasn`t. When we next met up, we knew that we would either decide to be together, or to go our separate ways in the summer.
Christmas: Called each other more than was healthy for our bank accounts. It seemed wrong to be apart, like having Christmas without family. New Years was even more painful, as there would be a true separation then - Yoshi wouldn`t even have e-mail access during much of his trip (trek).
January: I was back in Japan, and my life was essentially on hold. All I could do was wait and worry. I looked at my Lonely Planet - where would he be on the route? Does he know that if he goes north on the trail, there is a huge risk for avalanches??? I don`t even remember what I did in my free time.
End of January: Yoshi comes home. All we can do for the first few hours is just look at each other and hug. No one dares start the conversation about all the thoughts that were running through our heads. We slide back into our familiar conversations and habits comfortably, and within a few days, it was like we were never separated.
Very end of January: I have the flu, so I leave work early, surprising Yoshi who is at my place. We start talking, though I am not sure that what I am hearing is correct, as my fever is pretty high. He tells me that he has decided that he wants to be together forever, that he knew that for certain when he was in Nepal, all alone, talking to me on the top of mountains and along trails. The truth is that we are already always together in our hearts. So he will come to Vancouver, and he will spend the rest of his life with me, if I will have him. Followed by a bow and a "Yoroshiku onegaishimasu" (very formal way to kind of say "Please be kind to me and please do me this favour"). I wasn`t quite sure what was happening. I think that I was just proposed to, but I am uncertain without the kneeling and the ring. I think that I cried, but I am not sure. I remember that we hugged and then I fell asleep, and then we scrapped the dinner we were going to have and went to buy something already prepared from the supermarket.
The next day, he left on a work trip and I was off sick with a fever of 38 degrees. I wasn`t sure which way was up, let alone what had happened. I called Maeva: maybe if I told her the way things had happened, she could tell me if I was engaged or not??! She flipped, and after confirming with her, I discovered that I was, indeed, engaged.
February was a busy month - Yoshi was preparing for his sister`s wedding. So, we didn`t tell anyone because first we had to tell our parents. In Japan, when you announce that you have a girlfriend to your family (if they are the traditional sort), this is basically an announcement of an engagement. There was nothing that we could do until after his sister`s wedding at the end of the month. We definitely did not want to break this kind of news and steal her thunder. So, after his sister and brother in law came back from their honeymoon, we made plans to meet. Aiko`s reply to Yoshi`s "I want you to meet my girlfriend" e-mail was simply, "Oh my goodness! Are you getting married too??" OK, so things are different in Japan! We knew that things would be crazy so we ezcaped to Okinawa with Andrew and Paul for the weekend.
Beginning of March: I met Aiko and Tomoki for the first time. They were stunned speechless when they saw a Canadian girl standing there. However, we soon became comfortable together (well, I was squirming a bit when they were giving us the 3rd degree). It went quite well, and we all got along exceptionally. I was surprised, and both of us were relieved and exhausted!!
Next, Aiko had to tell her parents. They would be flattened that I was a foreigner, and we were certain that they would NOT be pleased. I, however, was preparing to go to Cambodia, and preparing for my sister`s visit immediately afterwards. We realized that this would no longer be a secret, not once my sister came, so we called my mom to tell her, e-mailed or called our closest friends, and send out a letter inviting our Adult class to a coffee and cake party to celebrate our engagement and welcome my sister to town.
Then, one week before Cambodia, all hell broke loose. I remembered Yoshi the wise saying as we were making plans to inform people that we would have to remain extremely calm over the next few weeks. BOY was he right. Our class and the town went crazy on us, and we did our best to hide out at my place. Then Aiko called to tell us that she had told his parents. My mom had taken the news just fine, as was expected. People from different cultures marrying in Canada is just not so shocking. Here is a different story though. I will never forget that night. I was washing the cupboards when the call came. There were the standard greetings and low voices for the first minutes. Then Yoshi screamed, "Really??? You`re lying!!!" I was dying, trying to understand all that was being said. When he got off the phone, he tried to look sad, tried to fool me, but he couldn`t. They had accepted it, and even started talking about plans to come to visit us in Canada. I cannot describe the relief that we felt!!!
Then I left for Cambodia, and I so wished that Yoshi could be with me on my trip, relaxing and just enjoying things together. Sigh. We e-mailed every day though.
I met up with my sister in Thailand, and then we came back to Japan together. But as they would say on the riverbank, that`s another story.
Since being back, I have met Yoshi`s parents and they truly do accept and support us. Strange though, his dad said that "I am much better than if he would have brought home a strange Japanese girl", meaning that they realize that Yoshi is a bit different from your traditional guys here, so they didn`t expect him to bring home a traditional girl. For them, my strangeness is easy to accept, because it is only foreign. However, a non-traditional Japanese woman would have been more difficult for them to accept. And it was true, it showed in the meeting. There was much curiosity, although they seemed to be relieved at my interest in Japan. As for my family, Elke and Yoshi got along like wildfire, and I have a feeling that my mom will too :)
Tomorrow, my mom`s best friend`s daughter arrives here in Ikuno, so she`ll have to bring back a report to my mom as well.
Then we have to get the paperwork together for Canadian Immigration, and all the paperwork for our marriage certificates and stuff here. The plan thus far is to do all the paperwork here, so that we can have a party with Yoshi`s family (his parents have upwards of 13 siblings each, so the extended family is HUGE and this will give them a chance to celebrate with us), but the ceremony will be in Canada, hopefully next spring (May/June if Canada will let Yoshi in by then!) That will give us some time to get settled in Canada, and go on our honeymoon (defintely Spain and Morocco - hoping for Egypt and a Greek Island or two)before the fall school year starts. Help me cross my fingers that all goes smoothly and quickly with immigration!!! I might just die being apart from him while waiting for him to get in to Canada!!!!
For those of you who are surprised by all this information (we did better than we thought at keeping it all a secret!), know that you won`t be when you meet him and see us together. I can definitely see myself waking up next to him for the ret of my life. With him, I feel supported, but free. He gets me - and that is rare! We might change over the years, but I am confident that since we are so much alike in our personalities and thinking, we can change together. Most of all, though, is the respect that we have for each other, and the fact that we have always had to communicate well to achieve understanding. Many couples take for granted the work that it takes to make a partnership function well, but for us, coming from two different languages and cultures, this work has always been a part of our relationship. We help each other, and support each other. We have a true partnership, and a sense of family, and common goals. Oddly, this was all present from the beginning, as if we were connected as a family before we even met. I can`t wait for you to meet him! Don`t worry - if you know me, then you already know him too!!! :)
Let`s cross our fingers and hope that all goes well with the paperwork and such!!!
 Sabine . 8:05 PM . Comments
Monday, April 19, 2004
The Demise of Number 3
Otherwise known as... I`m Back!
So, I returned from my trip to discover that my desk was placed elsewhere in the room. There was my beloved piece of trash, I mean, computer, sitting all ...discombobulated. Unattached, and in need of therapy, I carefully plugged him in.
Error message in Japanese: This computer has performed an illegal function.
Ok, I thought, he`s mad at me. Reboot.
This computer has performed an illegal function.
Ok, I thought, shut down.
This computer has performed an illegal function.
Soon, I discovered that by closing the error message window, I could proceed almost normally. Except that it would randomly crash, about every 2 minutes. Luckily, it would only crash out of any internet programme that I had up.
I still could not save anything - to the computer or even to a floppy. Nor could I print. Whenever I typed it would randomly delete something that I had previously typed. Now, I was dealing with these error messages every time I breathed, and I could also not reboot or shut down.
Hmmmm. Grey hairs were sprouting all over my head, and I went AWOL from the internet for a while.
Today, I discovered when I arrived at school, is a holiday. No teachers are here, neither are the students. Well, they`re here, but they are out practicing their clubs.
So, I put on my Lara Croft outfit and went in search of the stack of old computers that are hidden somewhere in this maze of a school.
And I found one!
Gingerly, I unplugged my grumpy number 3 computer and attached number 2 to the old cords. I turned it down and cringed when I saw safe mode come up.
I pushed the button for "reboot", and there was NO error message!!!! I logged on to the internet with ease, checked the word processing programme, saved a document, printed a document, shut the computer down and then pulled it back up at me!!!!
Number 2 likes me!!!!!!!
Number 3 has been buried at the bottom of a pile of old technology. Old typewriters keep it company now. I feel badly, for it has served me well for a couple of years. However, it died. Time to mourn it an move on...
Now, I will go home to celebrate. Starting tomorrow, I will update you on my trip and on all the other things that have been going on for a while.
Please be patient!!!!!
:)
Sabine
Sabine . 7:26 PM . Comments
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