I knew it would be a crazy day when I woke up to three feet of new-fallen snow. I helped to shovel the school parking lot and had a snow fight with the students. Not your average day. I was sitting at my desk when an excited teacher (Yamanaka sensei) came up to me and said "furendo wa Burea desu ka? Orinpikusu - Silba meduru!" Burea, burea - my friend`s last name is Brenner, but there is also a Canadian woman by the name of Bauer on the same team - which of them is it? By this time, there was quite a stir in the staffroom as I quickly typed the URL for the Toronto Star into my computer. After an eternity (and while the number of teachers gathered around my desk reached the double digits) - up it popped on the screen - my friend, Veronica did indeed win silver in the Aerials event!!! Now, here`s where the cultural lesson comes in: I immediately screamed, which in turn made my teachers scream (in fear of my outburst???), then I started to cry a nd was immediately ushered into the coffee/smoking room to recover. I was shaking like crazy, but lucid enough to notice that all the teachers had deserted me and were trying to ignore the fact that I was, in fact, an emotional wreck. I know how much this win must mean to Veronica, and what adversity she faced after last years` injuries. I was infuriated that she wasn`t listed as a medal top pick on the olympic website, and wondered what that must have done to her self-confidence. I was relieved that she didn`t fall on her head! You may all understand what I was going through in that teachers room when you hear this, but my colleagues did not.
Flash back to the middle of January when a friend e-mailed me to tell me about the death of one of my favourite professors who really affected me inside and outside of the classroom. I grew pale and shakey, and desperately fought back tears. The world had lost a great man - he gave to so many students. He was one of those people who did not just teach: he inspired his students. My English teacher came up to me and remarked that I looked tired. I told him I just found out that I lost a friend. He sighed and paused for a moment. And then he asked me to come with him to class - which started in one minute.
Flash back to September, when my 13 year old, beloved cat Oscar was put to sleep. Once again, I found out via e-mail. I was sad this time, but not shocked; he had been sick for a few months. Still, my head fell into my arms and I fought back the tears. My colleagues, on the other hand, looked the other way and proceeded to inore me for the rest of the day.
Shogenai: it can`t be helped.
In the Japanese office room, no one has his own office: the entire group sits at desks arranged in a big room. The reason is twofold. The first reason is that real estate is very expensive, andthis saves costs. The second is that everyone living and breathing in the same room helps to create a sense of family. This second reason is why I was a bit shocked at my collegues reactions (or lack thereof). In each of these cases, the response of the other teachers was to leave me alone. It took a while for me to understand. In Canada, we hug, or say soothing or congratulatory words when something big happens. Here, they give you space. The expression of extreme emotion is seen as being very embarrassing for a person, and the best way you can help him is to pretend you don`t notice, and to give him a chance to recover and recuperate. They form a wall of silence around him and that is their way of offering support.
We often comment on the emotionality of other cultures. I believe that the emotions stay the same across cultures, although perhaps one thing may generate a different response in people from different cultures. What really is noticeably different however, is the expression of emotion. In Japan there are two words that I hear all the time: Shogenai, or "it can`t be helped" , and Ganbatte, or "Persevere". I think that the reiteration of these phrases over and over again helps to remind the Japanese how to respond in times of extreme emotion. Which led me to think: "What kinds of phrases do we have in Canada". Perhaps "I`m sorry" is one. "Congratulations" is another. These we often utter without thought - they are just a reaction to bad or good news. Perhaps these words which slip out of our mouths on reflex are the linguistic key to understanding how different cultures deal with emotion. I onl y fear that the longer I stay here, the more likely I will be to blurt out "Ganbatte" and "Shogenai." Only then will I know how deeply the Japanese culture has implanted itself in my soul.
S.